Going through a Kundalini awakening can be a disorienting and a confusing experience for anyone; learning how to navigate such a massive transformation in your life and learning how to participate in a new internal dialogue that is occurring within you takes time.  Taking an active part in this internal dialogue is very important, although will take place regardless of your participation. Developing a conscious relationship with your Kundalini energy, can help tremendously in easing the confusion and empowering you through this transformative process. I encourage you to befriend your Kundalini, to get to know her, to try and understand who she is for you or what she is, even to give her a name (I personally felt more comfortable with a female noun), to ask to understand her better and try and learn her language of love (which you most likely don’t speak yet). Looking at this force from a stand view of curiosity, not judgment would help with the feeling of intense fear at the face of this unknown force and eventually help you accept her as a part of yourself.

Something has awoken in you which you don’t know intimately nor understand, wither your fear be conscious or unconscious it is natural for your body to contract and resist what it perceives as foreign or worst yet, an invader. You can unknowingly spend a long time in a fight or flight mode trying to fight her off. Fighting Kundalini from within is a painful and a long road to be on.

Reading about Kundalini on websites such as this helps you contextualize this experience and validate it, yet your awakening experience will always be unique to you and parts of will be different than what is written about and that can be scary as well. The more you develop your own language and relationship with her, the less alienating this process will feel like, the less fear and resistance will accompany the journey till one day you will be able to see her gifts shine through all of her many layers of tough love (and no, you don’t always have to call it love when it doesn’t feel like it, when you are in emotional or physical pain you should call it as you feel it). Be patient with yourself as cultivating this relationship takes time, it’s not going to happen in a day for most of us and there will be an adjustment period, physically, till your body readjust to the immense force she brings, emotionally; to learning how to be with you feeling and emotions and mentally; learning to understand this process and that she means you no harm, learning to trust her.  

So, how to befriend your Kundalini dragon (or goddess or teacher or anything you wish to call her)? Just like any other relationship, make time to deepen your connection, drop all ideas of what or who she is anyone has ever told you, including me, and sit with her, daily, even if for just a few moments if the fear is too intense, and ask her to teach you about her, be curios as to what she feels like in your body, what are her qualities. She is an abstract presence, so it will take time for you to get used to that type of silent communication, quality to quality, essence to essence.  Keep at it even if you can’t hear anything nor feel anything, your intention counts and it will bring you some insight into her perspective eventually.

Surrender is talked of often in spiritual circles and if you belong with one you maybe familiar with it and it is essentially the way to allow life to be as it is, and your experience to be as it is, not to fight what is already happening. Yet in order to surrender to Kundalini over and over again you have to develop trust with her, you can’t force yourself to surrender to something you don’t trust, that can make you feel more fragmented inside and more unsafe. True, Kundalini isn’t know for her patience, she is there to do a job wither you like it or not, but learning that her motives are pure, can help make this relationship so much healthier. Fighting with Kundalini is like punching your reflection in the mirror, you are the only one getting hurt. Still, knowing that you must honor your natural defenses and not demonize your own ego, it is just trying to protect you form what it perceives to be a threat and pushing against your defenses is just as bad as fighting your Kundalini, let you defenses learn that it is safe to let go into this new every born in you,  be the adult to help your ego reconcile all this newness and changes and transformation and so much unknown, the ego’s kryptonite. Learn through conversing that she is safe for you, and your ego will follow. Surrender is only sweet if you feel safe to let go. Ask God for help with that always.