What happens when Kundalini awakens and how to make peace with it:
An unprovoked Kundalini awakening can feel as though it is happening to you, especially in the early stages and at times you can feel like a victim to it's immense might. In order to reach beyond this powerless feeling it is imperative that you take an active part in this internal process. It’s natural to feel as though you just want to stop this energetic mayhem and go back to before all this began, to "normal" life, however this awakening is happening with or without you on board. Accepting and embracing it will make all the difference and that is a process we can embark upon together.
Something has awoken in you, which you don’t intimately know nor understand. Whether your fear is conscious or unconscious it is natural for your body to contract and resist what it perceives as foreign or worse yet, as an invader. You can unknowingly spend a long time in a fight-or-flight (or freeze) mode trying to fight her off. Fighting Kundalini from within is painful for you and wears down your system and yet may not be aware that you are fighting it or how to stop.
Reading about Kundalini on websites such as this helps you contextualize this experience and it validates what you are going through. This can help tremendously with the acceptance process. Your awakening experience will always be unique to you and parts of it will be different than what is written about. The more you develop your own language and relationship with her, the less alienating this process will feel. Less and less fear and resistance will accompany the journey till one day you will be able to see her gifts shine through all of her many layers of tough love (and no, you don’t always have to call it love when it doesn’t feel like it, when you are in emotional or physical pain you should call it as you feel it).
Be patient with yourself as cultivating this relationship takes time. It will not happen overnight, there will be an adjustment period on multiple levels. The adjustment occurs in the physical body; as your body adapts to the immense force she brings, which can take a long while. The emotional body; as you learn how to be with the intense and varied feelings and emotions the process entails. The mental body; as your understanding of this process grows and you gain the perspective that Kundalini means you no harm and slowly you learn to trust her.
So, how do you befriend your Kundalini dragon (or goddess, teacher, force or anything you wish to call her)? Just like with any other relationship, you have to make the time to deepen your connection. Learn as much as you can from reading and then drop all ideas of what or who she is and let go of what anyone has ever told you about this process, including myself, in order to get a direct experience of your truth from her.
What would happen if just for a moment you let go of all your resistance, preconceived notions and judgments about “what” this is and just sit with this energy and listen? Be curious, be open, you just might be surprised. I know this is a tall order to ask when fear takes hold, but take a deep breath and give it a go.
Sit with her daily, even if for just a few moments when the fear is not too intense, and ask her to teach you about her. Be curious as to what she feels like in your body, what her qualities are. She is an abstract presence, so it will take time for you to get used to this type of a silent communication, one that is so subtle - essence to essence, no words arise just a knowing, a felt truth. Keep at it even if you can’t hear nor feel anything initially, your intention counts and it will bring you insight into her perspective eventually. What you ask is never unheard, it is always answered only in a language you may not speak yet. Learning starts with allowing yourself not to have all the answers, not to know. She is a part of your life now, a part of you and is worth spending the time with to quiet the internal battle.